A Good Companion

We have looked at many qualities of friendship, but none is as pleasant as the love of a friend. Scripture gives us many examples of good friends and how their love for each other strengthens and encourages them. David and Jonathan is an excellent example of two friends whose commitment and loyalty to each other carried them through difficulties and lasted long after Jonathan’s death. In 1 Samuel 18, we read: “…the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.”

Scouts learn that they can depend on their friend as a faithful companion in life’s journey, where it is a deep abiding love that is non-sexual and is not threatened by other committed relationships, such as the marriage of a friend. History and fiction are filled with such beautiful examples of deep friendships. One fictional account that has always been tender to me is that between Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin, as told in the stories of A.A. Milne. As Christopher Robin grows up and prepares to go off to school, leaving childhood behind, Pooh says, “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

“A companion loves some agreeable qualities which a man may possess,

but a friend loves the man himself.”

James Boswell

1740-1795

Writer

As a Scout, you must understand that not every friendship we have will be so profound. I do not believe we can maintain more than one such relationship at a time. Many people may never have so deep a friendship. However, all friendships offer the opportunity to be a good companion as you travel through life. Thomas Aquinas said, “Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends, even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.”

Scouting offers young people an opportunity to develop excellent and reliable friendships. There is a bond with those in your Troop or Patrol that become stronger as the years go by. You camp together, work as a team together, achieve badges, and ranks together. These are friendships you will cherish for the rest of your life.

Scouts treat every friend as if he or she were their best friend. They may not share their deepest feelings to all, but the concern and willingness to pour into the friendship are there. They always look for what is best for their friend and encourage them to succeed. They never treat them selfishly or use them for personal gain. Spanish Philosopher Baltasar Gracian said, “Never have a companion that casts you in the shade.”

Scouting Out of Uniform is a personal blog based on the lessons learned from Scouting that relate to personal development and success principles and is not an official site of The Boy Scouts of America. John Patrick Hickey does not represent or speak for the Scouting program; however, he does completely support and encourages Scouting for both young and old. John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, Personal Development Coach, and proud Scouter. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2020 John Patrick Hickey

SOU052720 Courage

I Understand

If there is one quality that Scouts and Scouters must develop to be the best kind of friend, it’s the ability to understand others. Understanding is not excusing wrong thinking or behavior, but it sees why it happens. Understanding is not compromising but instead recognizing that we all see things differently. W. Clement Stone said, “Truth will always be the truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance.”

An assessment I use when I am coaching someone is called a DISC Assessment. DISC is not a personality test but instead tells us how we communicate, and we like to have others interact with us. It is our behavioral style, and by understanding it and the styles of others, we can better communicate. Tony Robbins said, “To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

“Every man should keep a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends.”

Henry Ward Beecher

1813-1887

Clergyman

Scouts should desire to understand others so they can best help and encourage them. When we are stuck in our thinking, we block off the avenues of communication and understanding. You and the person you are talking to could be saying the same thing and desire the same result, but a lack of understanding of the other will cause you to think you are disagreeing. As a Scout, it is your responsibility to understand others and why they feel the way they do.

Even when people are thinking wrong or doing what you know is not right, your ability to understand why they feel as they do is key to your success in helping them. We all have a past, hurts, education, and experience that influence how we think – right or wrong. Understanding others will open doors that have been locked in their lives, maybe for years. It is the most powerful thing a friend can do.

Author Og Mandino gave some great advice on dealing with others that I believe all Scouts and Scouters should use daily. He said, “Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” Try some understanding with others. It will change you both.

Scouting Out of Uniform is a personal blog based on the lessons learned from Scouting that relate to personal development and success principles and is not an official site of The Boy Scouts of America. John Patrick Hickey does not represent or speak for the Scouting program; however, he does completely support and encourages Scouting for both young and old. John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, Personal Development Coach, and proud Scouter. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2020 John Patrick Hickey

SOU052520 The Example

A Consistent Friend

There is a sense of dependability in a friendship that we all find appealing. You know that your friend will be your friend regardless of the circumstances. You may not see each other a lot or talk all the time, but you know you are friends, and that brings comfort and a feeling of security. Major League Baseball legion Ernie Banks said, “Loyalty and friendship, which is to me the same, created all wealth that I’ve ever thought I’d have.” A good friend is worth more than gold.

Scouts and Scouters value friendship very highly. They know that the value is not just about having good friends but being a good friend. The loyal and steadfast nature of friendship is vital to our success. The late sportswriter, Charlie Jones, said, “Loyalty is something you give regardless of what you get back, and in giving loyalty, you’re getting more loyalty; and out of loyalty flow other great qualities.” Being a good friend helps us develop our character and makes us better people.

“Be slow to fall into friendship, but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.”

Socrates

?-399 BC

Philosopher

People expect their friends to be there for them. Sadly, that is not always the case. Too often, friends will bail out when things get hard or too much is asked of them. Scouts are consistent in their friendship. They are as good a friend in a difficult time as they are in good times. They can be counted on to be there and to do all they can in support of a friend. When a Scout is your friend, you do not have to wonder where their loyalty lies; it is with you.

This is the reason that Scouts are more selective of their close friends than other people are. Scouts understand that friendship is a responsibility and not always easy. Worldly friends say they will love you no matter what. That is not loving at all. Real friends will desire to make you a better person. They will tell you when you are wrong and heading into danger. Scouts care about their friends and invest in them their time and energy to help them succeed in life.

Scouts are friends who will do what they can to help their friends live by success principles. They know that it is better to strengthen a friend than to clean up after them. As author George MacDonald said, “It is better to keep a friend from falling than to help him up.” Good friends are consistent, accountable, and loyal. They are good to have on your side. They will not sit by and allow you to fail. Scouts will not leave when you mess-up, but they will do all they can to keep you from messing up in the first place.

Scouting Out of Uniform is a personal blog based on the lessons learned from Scouting that relate to personal development and success principles and is not an official site of The Boy Scouts of America. John Patrick Hickey does not represent or speak for the Scouting program; however, he does completely support and encourages Scouting for both young and old. John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, Personal Development Coach, and proud Scouter. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2020 John Patrick Hickey

SOU052020 Good Turn at Home

Welcome

Making new friends is a great thing, and we should be open and friendly to all people. This, however, does not mean that everyone is your friend. When it comes to developing close friendships, we must be as wise as we are friendly. Scouts and Scouters must follow the advice of businessman and author, W. Clement Stone: “Be careful of the friends you chose for you will become like them.”

Scouts have a deep desire to bring people up to their level of successful thinking. Because of this, they can, at times, chose the wrong group of friends. They see negative people, making wrong choices, have a poverty mindset, and think they can help them to become better people. With this in mind, the Scouts work at becoming friends with a negative person. What happens most of the time is the positive person becomes negative, not the other way around. We become like them far easier than they become like us.

“Be slow in choosing a friend, but slower in changing him.”

Benjamin Franklin

1706-1790

Statesman/Inventor

Our first President, George Washington, gave some solid advice that is just as true today as it was in his day. “Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your reputation,” Washington said, “for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” People who are known to make bad choices in life will drag you down, even as friends, far quicker than you will ever pull them up.

This does not mean we reject anyone who is not also following Scout principals. You are to be an example to all and to help others find the benefits of the principles of Scouting, but you do not need to embrace them as close associates. Invest your time, energy, and friendship in those who will build you up and encourage you. Teach all you can to everyone. Give good godly advice to all who ask. Just be aware of who your close friends are and keep them right.

Scouts have often had to make the hard choice about leaving old friends behind. We love our friends and want to be with them, but we know that they are not living in ways that build us up or are pleasing to God. Many Scouts insist that they can change their friends only to be dragged back into bad life-styles. It is as Benjamin Franklin said, “Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” Use the wisdom God has given you when making and keeping close friends.

Scouting Out of Uniform is a personal blog based on the lessons learned from Scouting that relate to personal development and success principles and is not an official site of The Boy Scouts of America. John Patrick Hickey does not represent or speak for the Scouting program; however, he does completely support and encourages Scouting for both young and old. John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, Personal Development Coach, and proud Scouter. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2020 John Patrick Hickey

SOU051820 Duty to Self

Believe in Others

Scouts and Scouters believe that they can and will succeed. The challenge is in believing that others can. We, as humans, tend only to believe what we see. You cannot see the dreams and desires of others. When we are told what they want to do we look them over and judge if we think they can do it. We may forget that the power to succeed is not on the outside but in the heart of a person.

I believe that every human being ever born or will be born has the potential to succeed. God has created each of us for a purpose, and He intends that we fulfill that purpose. I can’t tell you how He does that; it is one of those mysteries that we may never understand. It reminds me of the saying from St. Augustine: “If you understand it, then it is not God.” This is what faith is, believing in what you do not understand. Yet, there is evidence of that faith.

“Every child should be taught to expect success.”

Orison Swett Marden

1848-1924

Author/Publisher

Scouts learn to see all around them those who succeed in life who, from the outside, seemed to have all the cards against them. What they do have is the ability to be success-minded and the drive to believe in their dream. Author and motivator Earl Nightingale said, “We tend to live up to our expectations.” If we expect to succeed, we will.

It does take more than belief in yourself; others must believe in you too. That is what Scouts do; they believe in the abilities of others to become the best they can be. I love the opening quote by Orison Swett Marden. Just think of how the world would change if we taught all of our children to expect success. If parents and grandparents truly believed in their children’s potential to be excellent. The belief that these young people can achieve great things is what Scouting is all about.

I have always told my daughters that they could pursue and achieve whatever their dream was. They are doing just that, and I am so very proud of them. Now I have ten grandchildren who I expect great things from. I want them to know that no matter what the world may tell them, I believe with all my heart that they were placed here to achieve great things. 

Mark Twain said, “Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions.  Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” Scouts are to be those who help others believe that they can and will become great. You do not hold the key to someone’s success; you are the key.

Scouting Out of Uniform is a personal blog based on the lessons learned from Scouting that relate to personal development and success principles and is not an official site of The Boy Scouts of America. John Patrick Hickey does not represent or speak for the Scouting program; however, he does completely support and encourages Scouting for both young and old. John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, Personal Development Coach, and proud Scouter. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2020 John Patrick Hickey

SOU051320 Duty to Country

Be An Encourager

Scouts and Scouters are very aware that the road to success and the achievement of your dream can be hard. Daily you are struggling to improve, learn, and be excellent at what you do. Some days the dream seems so far away, and other days it is just out of reach. It is at those times that the encouragement of a true friend can make the difference between success and failure.

Encouragement is far more than just a pat on the back and a “you can do it” statement. Encouragement must be sincere, and the one giving it must believe it. Friends do believe that others can make it and can do what it takes to achieve their dream. Scouts are interested in and invested in the success of others. There is an excellent power there. Business author Robert Martin said, “Taking an interest in what others are thinking and doing is often a much more powerful form of encouragement than praise.”

“Encouragement is awesome.  It can actually change the course of another person’s day, week, or life.”  Chuck Swindoll

Pastor/Author

Scouts learn that people have great potential to succeed. They have seen and believe in the power of the human spirit. It is one thing to say that everyone can achieve their dreams; it is another to understand it and be willing to encourage it. Scouts believe in others so strongly that the people they encourage believe they can do it. As Mark Twain said, “Really great people make you feel that you too can become great.”

Encouragement, as with all the principles of Scouting, has the power to give back to the people giving it. When you encourage others, you feel encouraged in your own life. Scouts know that the better they make others feel, and the more they can encourage others to pursue their dreams, the more they too will succeed. It is just a law of nature. Encourage others, and you will be encouraged.

George Washington Carver said, “Since new developments are the products of a creative mind, we must, therefore, stimulate and encourage that type of mind in every way possible.” Scouts can effectively encourage others because they genuinely believe in others. You never know if that person you are encouraging will be the one to change the world. All they may need is support and encouragement from you.

Scouting Out of Uniform is a personal blog based on the lessons learned from Scouting that relate to personal development and success principles and is not an official site of The Boy Scouts of America. John Patrick Hickey does not represent or speak for the Scouting program; however, he does completely support and encourages Scouting for both young and old. John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, Personal Development Coach, and proud Scouter. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2020 John Patrick Hickey

SOU051120 Duty to God

Friendly

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.  Before him, I may think aloud.” Where I do agree with that statement, I do see a problem. Too many times, people think their friends are the ones they can complain to and vent all their frustrations – and that is all they do. This does not make for much of a friendship, and soon your friends will seek other companions who are not so draining.

One of the joys of a good friendship is that it lifts you and makes you glad to be around your friend. Scouts discover that nothing bonds a friendship more than laughter. It is the cement that holds people together. Scouts learn the secret to being happy is making your friends happy. Mark Twain said, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” When you focus on making your friends happy, you will be happy in return.

“He gains everyone’s approval, who mixes the pleasant with the useful.”

Horace

65-8 BC

Roman Poet

Where friendships are there to share the joys and sorrows of life, good friendships share far more blessings than pains. Scouts learn that as friends, they have to see that those they befriend are the most successful they can be in life. Scouts desire to be a pleasure for their friends to be around and that they will bring out the best in them as people. It is as Henry Ford said, “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” That is what a friend does.

Being a good friend is also a simple thing. We all know what friendship is in our nature. As humans, we desire to give it and receive it. As with most simple things, people tend to complicate it and put restrictions on it. These people have a hard time with friendships because their standards are so personal to them that no one could meet them. Henry David Thoreau had it right when he said, “The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.”

Be a joy to be around. Keep your heart joyful, and your friends will seek out your company. As the great American writer, Washington Irving, said, “A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles.” Scouts not only make good friends, but they are the kind of friends that make others feel happy to be with them.

Scouting Out of Uniform is a personal blog based on the lessons learned from Scouting that relate to personal development and success principles and is not an official site of The Boy Scouts of America. John Patrick Hickey does not represent or speak for the Scouting program; however, he does completely support and encourages Scouting for both young and old. John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, Personal Development Coach, and proud Scouter. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2020 John Patrick Hickey

SOU050620 Our Duty

Acting Like a Grown-Up

I believe, by far, the biggest curse that has come upon society is that people do not take responsibility for themselves. Parents are not responsible for raising their children, people do not work because they feel the world owes them a living, and criminals receive therapy rather than punishment. Our social structure is collapsing, and it is all because no one wants to be responsible.

Scouts and Scouters know that their life is their responsibility. Do things right, and you will be blessed. Do the wrong thing, and YOU must deal with the consequences. Our mistakes are ours as much as our victories are. You cannot blame your folks, society, the government, or God for the problems in your life. The time has come to grow up and be responsible. It is the doorway to freedom. Singer/songwriter Bob Dylan put it this way: “A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his freedom.”

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes.

 That’s the day we truly grow up.”

Dr. John C. Maxwell

Author

A Scout learns that every day they will face responsibilities. They have a duty to their job, a family to care for, or tasks to complete. There is no delaying responsibility; you must deal with it. President Abraham Lincoln said, “You cannot escape the responsibilities of tomorrow by evading it today.” Scouts know that their goals and dreams will never come to reality if they do not take full and total responsibility for them.

Responsibility is not a bad word or something to fear. The Scout who takes responsibility for their life is in charge of their life. They are not at the mercy of others who want to take them places they may not want to go. Responsibility is a power to the one who receives it. As Winston Churchill would say, “The price for greatness is responsibility.”

The time has come to be an adult, to grow up and take charge. If your life is less than what you desire for yourself, don’t fuss and moan and blame others. Take responsibility for yourself and make it different. Stand up straight, take a deep breath, and decide what needs to be done to make things better…then do it! This is what it means to be success-minded.

Scouting Out of Uniform is a personal blog based on the lessons learned from Scouting that relate to personal development and success principles and is not an official site of The Boy Scouts of America. John Patrick Hickey does not represent or speak for the Scouting program; however, he does completely support and encourages Scouting for both young and old. John Patrick Hickey is an author, speaker, Personal Development Coach, and proud Scouter. To read more from John Patrick Hickey or to get his books, training and book him to speak to your church, business, or group, visit our website at www.johnpatrickhickey.com.   © 2020 John Patrick Hickey

SOU050420 Get out of Doors